There are many firsts in every man’s life, from your first words to your first steps and your first real food, to all those other things that babies do for the first time.

Firsts don’t really start to mean anything until the testosterone starts to flow through your body. Things are changing. Suddenly, all the firsts become a little more important. You notice your first whisker and you pluck it and put it in a jar of formaldehyde to show all your buddies and impress all the babes. (That’s right, babes!)

Now your hormones are really kicking into gear and you notice that girls are different. Those lumps on their chests are getting bigger, and you find your desire to touch them is getting stronger, too.

All your firsts become important, ‘BIG TIME’

Your first pubic hair …

Your first fantasy (with a girl) …

Your first erection (this usually occurs with the first fantasy) …

The first time you bribe your brother to let you look at his ‘Playboy’ magazine, and then subscribe the next day using a phony name and address …

Your first experiment with hand-to-gland combat, then having to explain the sudden growth of hair on the palms of your hands … and arms … and back … and …

Then, as you discover girls, uh, women, there are more firsts.

The first time you hold hands (sweat and all) …

Your first kiss – usually it’s just a little peck where you both try to look like you know what you’re doing, but you both bop noses anyway …

The bragging to your buds about what a stud you were, and something about the size of oranges in your hands …

The first dance and having to excuse yourself (Erection Alert!) …

Your first steady girlfriend …

Making out at a theater for the first time, with about 2,000 people wondering what that wheezing sound is …

Going to her house after school and trying your damnedest to figure out how to undo her bra (or as I call it, the Chinese finger trap – Man, how you wish they had invented Velcro bra fasteners back then) –

Your first feel of a woman’s breast …

Having to explain to your mom how your pants got stuck to your underwear …

Then, after the endless bragging to your friends about what a stud muffin you really are, the pressure starts to build for you and your woman. So, you decided to embark on the never-ending quest for knowledge and the one thing that both of you can do for the first time together – and only once for the first time. Now you can act out all those fantasies – the ones with the Swedish ski team and a bottle of chocolate syrup and some whipped cream.

Your First Time.